Obligation Vs. Adoration

8 When you give blind animals as sacrifices, isn't that wrong? And isn't it wrong to offer animals that are crippled and diseased? Try giving gifts like that to your governor, and see how pleased he is!" says the LORD Almighty. 9 "Go ahead, beg God to be merciful to you! But when you bring that kind of offering, why should he show you any favor at all?" asks the LORD Almighty. 10 "I wish that someone among you would shut the Temple doors so that these worthless sacrifices could not be offered! I am not at all pleased with you," says the LORD Almighty, "and I will not accept your offerings. 11 But my name is honored by people of other nations from morning till night. All around the world they offer sweet incense and pure offerings in honor of my name. For my name is great among the nations," says the LORD Almighty. 12 "But you dishonor my name with your actions. By bringing contemptible food, you are saying it's all right to defile the Lord's table. 13 You say, 'It's too hard to serve the LORD,' and you turn up your noses at his commands," says the LORD Almighty. "Think of it! Animals that are stolen and mutilated, crippled and sick -- presented as offerings! Should I accept from you such offerings as these?" asks the LORD. 14 "Cursed is the cheat who promises to give a fine ram from his flock but then sacrifices a defective one to the Lord. For I am a great king," says the LORD Almighty, "and my name is feared among the nations!
Malachi 1:8-14

In the verse above, God is talking to the priests of Israel… but when I read this, I feel as though He is talking directly to me. He is describing the way I give my time and recourses to Him completely accurately. God says “Cursed is the cheat who promises to give a fine ram from his flock but then sacrifices a defective one to the Lord.” Just replace the word “ram” with “time” or “money” and you’ve painted a picture of me. Though when I do promise to give my most focused time or my money until it hurts I truly mean what I say. But almost every time I end up falling short. Instead of studying His word, I read another book. Instead of praying, I watch a movie. Instead of seeking out someone that I think might need a friend, I draw within myself and find a more “comfortable“ way to spend my time. Instead of giving money to the poor or the church… I spend it on a pair of boots or a pair of jeans. Just like is said in verse 13, I sometimes think “It’s so difficult to serve the Lord.”
I have become so irritated with myself about my shortcomings as a follower of Christ. I have pursued my own way in so many areas of my life and I’m so tired of it. I hate that I don’t follow through. Honestly, sometimes I become just so disgusted with myself that I find I “avoid” the Lord. I make a quick prayer about something when needed and try to not linger in His presence so I don’t have to face the fact that I have failed. The guilt only mounts as I continue to ignore God’s calling. All I can think is “Just get your act together so you can face God with something to offer.”
“For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith- and this not from yourselves, it is a gift of Got- Not by works, so that no one can boast.” Ephesians 2:8
Wow… So it comes back to this does it? I am redeemed. Redeemed. Let’s make no mistake here though, I really had very little to do with it. In fact, all I really had to do was say “thank you.” God took care of the rest. So why am I so keen on continuing to try to pay for this gift with “trying harder” and “making goals?” If I would simply submit to the fact that God paid for me and I am now His (not as a slave, but as His daughter) I would see this beautiful gift for what it is and be able to enjoy His presence. I could bask in His glory and instead of “trying” to do the things His word commands or His Spirit leads me to, to try to somehow “pay my debt,” I would do it willingly without thought or contempt. I would receive the blessing that is no doubt felt when we answer the call of our Father out of adoration instead of obligation.
The priests in Malachi gave out of their obligation which is why they gave the very least they could manage. These obligatory “sacrifices” were no sacrifice at all, but an insult. I want to give out of adoration the most I can possibly give as to honor the One True God that has seen it fit to save me from myself. No doubt this will not always be an easy task. But instead of focusing on the difficulty and the tasks themselves I will focus on my love for Christ and the knowledge that I can do all things through Him and Him alone.
　　

But He has more...

It’s kind of amazing how life turns out… basically, not at all like you expect. For instance, I always pictured myself graduated from college, married and beginning to have children by the time I turned twenty-five. Well, even though that’s where the majority of my friends are this isn‘t where I am. I am twenty-five but the only part of this expectation I have fulfilled is that I graduated from college. I do have to admit that there are times when knowing this makes me slightly… well not the happiest girl in the world. But when I really think about it, I am really happy that my story is a little different.
If it were up to me, I would be in the very same place as all of my friends. I mean, I would have just what I always planned and be happy, right? Honestly, I’m not so sure I would be. I firmly believe that God is in control of my life. I’m so glad that it’s not all up to me. I mean, just recently, I would have taken a job being an assistant to the person who’s job I really wanted. God said “no” and I cried… like a baby. He had something better in mind though. I love the job I have now and I love that He wouldn’t allow me to settle on anything less than what He had planned.
It’s taken me a while to really catch on. He has been saying “no” to all kinds of things, not because He likes my friends better than me, but because He has a different plan and refuses to let me settle for less then the best He has for me. One great example is a when a little over a year and half ago I couldn’t find a job. I had been let go of my first teaching job because of budget cuts that were taking place in my county and all surrounding counties. I thought I was going to have to go back to waiting tables. The only job I could get was at a school three and a half hours away from all of my friends. I was heartbroken… That year turned out to be amazing in so many ways. I made some wonderful new friends and grew closer to a few old friends that moved there because they needed a job too. This would have been enough, but God had more. He showed me that I could thrive and grow off a little independence. Because of this new found reality, I was able to make a big leap of faith and sell just about everything I own and move to Germany for a couple of years. This is where I am now… something I’ve always wanted to do. The adventurous heart I was too scared to reveal God grew and nurtured. Sure, it would be easier to just have the husband and baby now. But… where is the anticipation in that? Where is the romance? I feel scared and excited and more feelings I can’t quite pinpoint. Like one being pursued in love, I feel I am being pursued in life.